When Reconciliation Fails: Jacob and Esau’s Legacy

What Are the Consequences of Unforgiveness?

What are the consequences of deception and lack of forgiveness? When there is forgiveness is there automatically reconciliation? Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same.

Many of you are familiar with the story of Jacob and Esau. These brothers and their descendants show us what can happen when reconciliation doesn't happen. Esau despised his birthright and sold it to Jacob for a bowl of food and Jacob deceived his dying father so he could obtain his father's blessing— the blessing that rightfully belonged to Esau.

Estrangement Between Twin Brothers

Because of this Esau was effectively cut out of the covenantal promises of God. This began a long and hostile relationship between the two brothers. At one point, Esau planned to kill Jacob, but when their mother Rebekah learned of his intentions, she arranged for Jacob to flee to Mesopotamia (Genesis 27:41-43).

When we think about these brothers, we need to remember they were twins. It is well known that twins can have a unique psychological bond. They shared the same womb and the same environment during development. Yet even in the womb, they struggled against each other (Genesis 25:22). Twins can also become deeply estranged from one another. Competition, jealousy, and traumatic events can all lead to total avoidance and lack of contact. This is what we see in the story of Jacob and Esau.

A Tense Reunion

Years later, on the way to Canaan, Jacob is forced to meet his brother. Jacob feared Esau would kill him on the spot but instead Esau embraced him. When you read this in Genesis 33, their meeting seems cautious and uneasy. It seems obvious that Jacob was pleased that his brother welcomed him, but he was still distrustful.

Although Esau ran to embrace Jacob, the interaction was filled with tension. Jacob approached Esau with caution, bowed submissively multiple times, and later declined Esau’s offer to travel together. This shows us that he still did not fully trust his brother.

Jacob tells Esau that seeing him was like seeing the face of God. One writer suggested that perhaps it was a subtle hint to Esau that God was on Jacob's side, a reminder not to 'mess with him'. Another possibility for why Jacob says this is that Jacob first 'sees the face of God' in his wrestling with the angel (Genesis 32:30) and then with his earthly foe, Esau, with whom he wrestled in the womb. God met Jacob and He meets us in our struggle of faith.

At the end of their visit Jacob promised to meet Esau at Seir but Jacob never did. Instead he set up home in Succoth. Did he lie on purpose, again? Did he distrust Esau so much he was afraid to meet him in Seir? We are not told. We only know the brothers met once more at the death of their father.

Is Forgiveness the Same as Reconciliation?

The Bible explains what true reconciliation is. It is a broken relationship that has been restored (2 Corinthians 5:18-19). Sometimes we can forgive someone but still not trust them enough to reconcile. Trust is something that is earned over time by someone's consistent behavior. Were these brothers ever truly reconciled? That is difficult to know for sure. The nations that descended from each brother were certainly not.

When Reconciliation Fails: Jacob and Esau’s Legacy

What we do know is the history of the descendants of Esau. When reconciliation fails: Jacob and Esau’s legacy becomes a warning for all generations. Broken relationships don't always stay personal. In the case of Jacob and Esau, their division spilled over into generations of hatred. The conflict didn’t die with the brothers; it lived on in their nations. Esau's descendants were known as the Edomites. They were traditionally enemies of the Israelites, descendants of Jacob.

Imagine a hatred so strong that it would last for generations and eventually lead to the destruction of an entire people. We simply cannot foresee the consequences of our sins. Esau felt wronged, lied to by his brother. And he was but, his reaction was to plan to murder Jacob.

In Hebrews 12:16, Esau is described as "godless". God foresaw the future. He knew Esau would have a moment of reunion with Jacob, but Scripture never says they truly reconciled. God knew what the nation of Edom would become.

Edom's Longstanding Opposition to Israel

Because there were kinship ties between the Israelites and the Edomites, God told the Israelites they could not hate them, no matter how they treated them (Deuteronomy 23:7). Both people were descendants of Abraham. In Deuteronomy 2:1-5, the Israelites were told not to try to take the land of the Edomites because God had promised it to them.

In Numbers 20:14-21, we read that the Edomites refused to allow the Israelites to pass through their land on their journey from Egypt. Both Saul and David fought against the Edomites. During the reign of King Jehoram the Edomites rebelled against Judah and set up their own king (2 Kings 8:20-22). They were even joyful over the fall of Jerusalem to the Babylonians.

Eventually the Edomites themselves were conquered by the Nabateans. A small remnant of them settled in southern Judah and became known as the Idumeans. Herod the Great, who was responsible for the slaughter of the infants in Bethlehem, was an Idumean. Later, these people would side with the Israelites when they revolted against Rome in 70 AD. This would lead to their complete destruction. No longer were there any remnants of Esau's line.

Bitterness Passed Through Generations

What happens in our families when we pass down stories of hurt and trauma? How long will those stories remain in the minds of our descendants, until all they really know is that, "We don't like you, we don't even remember why?" Have we allowed a bitter root to grow up? Unresolved conflict between family members can lead to a lack of connection between generations. Strong family relationships can be completely lost.

Hebrews 12:15 warns us,

"See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."

The Prophecies Against Edom

Numerous prophets warned the Edomites that the way they treated the Israelites would lead to their destruction. Amos, Isaiah and Ezekiel all predicted the ruin of Edom. The prophecies of Obadiah focus totally on the fate of the Edomites. Obadiah explains the sins of the Edomites that led to this.

The Edomites had been deceived by pride. Proverbs 16:18 reminds us that pride goes before a fall. They felt invincible in their stone fortifications, but God said they would be overpowered and deceived by their enemies.

When the Israelites were taken into captivity by the Babylonians, the Edomites watched, they rejoiced in their destruction, and even cut off those who managed to escape. Judgment comes on Edom for their reaction to the downfall of Israel. Are there people, family members perhaps, that you have had a falling out with, who have experienced tragedy or hardship and you momentarily had the thought, "Well, they had that coming"? Beware that attitude.

For this, the Edomites were promised complete destruction. They totally abandoned God's chosen people. In times of great trouble they sided with the enemy. Obadiah 1:12 says, "You should not gloat over your brother in the day of his misfortune." The people of Edom had effectively forgotten who their family really was. Today, those who side against God's chosen people should beware of the fate of Edom.

God's Justice and Future Hope

Obadiah continues to say that this judgment would be for all nations that reject God, but God in his mercy will spare those who are obedient. God warns, "As you have done, it will be done to you; your deeds will return upon your own head." The last verse of Obadiah speaks of a future hope when Jesus will rule the nations as king. We see this echoed in Revelation 11:15, “The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Messiah, and He will reign for ever and ever.”

Your Role in Reconciliation

According to 2 Corinthians 5:18, you and I have a "ministry of reconciliation". What we have seen in the story of Jacob and Esau and its centuries aftermath is what happens when there is no real reconciliation. Just as we are to be reconciled with God through Jesus, so we are to be reconcilers between men. We are to heal broken relationships among ourselves and our families. We should try to peacefully resolve conflict.

How things would have been different if Jacob and Esau had experienced true reconciliation. How much better the lives of their children and their children's children would have been. Don't let a bitter root grow up in your family. We can't always see the destruction that can come from allowing it to fester and remain a source of conflict, but God knows. We have been warned!

Sadly, sometimes we seek reconciliation but it is rejected. In that case, we have to pray for our family member and continue having a forgiving spirit towards them. There are times when we must rely completely on the Holy Spirit to do what we cannot.

Final Warning: Don’t Let Bitterness Win

As Christians we’ve been entrusted with the responsibility to try and break the cycle. Will we let bitterness destroy those who follow us, or will we choose the hard path of reconciliation? Colossians 3:13 reminds us that as God's elect we should always, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Don't let the Devil win by letting division remain in your family, perhaps for generations.

People Also Ask

Where did anti-Semitism come from? Although not specifically mentioned in the Bible, in Jewish tradition, the story of Jacob and Esau is the explanation for the development of Jewish anti-Semitism (hatred of Jews).