Biblical Gentleness: Strength Under God’s Control

What the Bible Really Means by Gentleness

In the past, gentleness was a characteristic more often associated with women. In today's world of superhero action movies, they seem more like someone who can beat you up than like gentle caretakers. Men, on the other hand, have less frequently been portrayed as gentle. And if they were, they were usually weak and ineffective men. What is gentleness and why do so many of us act as if we are afraid to show our gentle side to others?

Biblical Gentleness as Strength Under Control

Biblical gentleness is a sort of kindness that is strong but controlled. It is demonstrated with humility and meekness. A gentle person doesn't have to show off, get loud, or push people around to get things done. The Bible says that gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit that we should all be displaying, men and women, if we are growing in being like Christ.

Why Gentleness Works: Science and Scripture Agree

Studies in the social sciences generally agree that gentleness and kindness just work better in society. They cause us to be more cooperative, which in turn increases our ability to innovate. These traits make people trust other people more. They even cause us to release hormones that reduce our stress levels. This is true in the animal world too and the Bible speaks to this.

The Gentle Shepherd: God’s Care as Our Model

Isaiah 40:11 speaks of a shepherd who gently leads his flock. A gentle shepherd has much better control over his flock than one who shouts and strikes the sheep. The harsh shepherd stresses the sheep. Stressed sheep tend to show signs of depression. They eat less, sleep less, and generally act fearful. The gentle shepherd is followed, not out of fear, but out of respect for his authority. Although I'm sure the sheep aren't thinking about it in those terms.

 Jesus the Good Shepherd and Our Example of Gentleness

Jesus is our good Shepherd (John 10:1-18). All we, like sheep, need a shepherd. He laid His life down for us, His sheep. He knows us and He is the God who sees us. He gives us life. He will never abandon us when times are hard and the way is difficult. He cares for and protects us. Jesus' meekness, lowliness, and gentleness are our role model. This isn't just true in the life of Jesus but we also see it in God's dealings with His servant David.

David declares, "God's gentleness has made me great" (Psalm 18:35). David understands that all he has and is comes from the gentleness with which God has dealt with him. It isn't David's self worth and accomplishments that made him the greatest king Israel had ever known. It was God's kindness and loving strength that raised up David by shaping his leadership and trust in God. And so it is that we also are called to be gentle.

A Soft Answer: Gentleness in Conflict and Conversation

Proverbs 15:1 tells us that a "soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." How often do we forget this. In our eagerness to defend ourselves we often go after people with the same hostility they use towards us. All this does is lead to escalating arguments. Remember gentleness isn't weakness, it's humble control. James 3:17 reminds us that wisdom is gentle.

This idea is found also in 2 Timothy 2:24-26 where we are taught not to be quarrelsome but to correct our opponents with gentleness. This is a lesson that many people haven't learned. This is obvious if you look at how unpleasant online discussions can become, even amongst Christians.

1 Timothy 6:11 says "O man of God...pursue...gentleness." Are we pursuing gentleness? Or are we trying to look like a person who never lets anyone have the last word? But gentleness isn’t only needed when we’re correcting opponents or winning arguments online. It also shapes the very words we speak every day, especially to the people closest to us.

Gentle Speech That Heals Relationships

Proverbs 15:4 describes a wholesome or gentle tongue as being a "tree of life" and contrasts this to a perverse tongue that "breaks the spirit." We see this in our relationships with our children and we see it in marriages. The harsh tongue that spits out insults and hostility wears us down emotionally. It damages us. But the gentle parent or the gentle spouse lessens our stress and allows us to have greater self-worth. If we are wise, gentleness can heal relationships.

This attitude of gentleness even extends to people in authority over us. They too are to be treated with gentleness (Titus 3:1-2). Are we kind, courteous, and humble in our interactions at work? How do we speak about people in the government who are in authority over us? Do we get a good laugh at their expense or do we treat them with love as Christ tells us to?

Peter explains that Jesus, who is our example, "when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously" (1 Peter 2:23). Do you feel that you have suffered at the hands of someone or been insulted by them? So many of us today, it seems, take every opportunity to be offended by what others say about them.

But what was Jesus' response? He did not return the words or deeds done to Him. He let God sort things out. God knows when His children are mistreated. Biblical gentleness leaves the judging to Him. So who gets a pass on gentleness? No one, not the strong, not men, not even church leaders.

1 Timothy 3:3 warns those who would serve as bishops (overseers) not to be drunkards, violent, quarrelsome, or lovers of money, but instead be gentle! There is no designation here that only women should be gentle. There is no worry that we will look weak. Instead, there is wisdom in what guides our positions in the church and each of our lives. A gentle spirit is one of the requirements to live a Christlike life.

If you and I were honest, we would admit that we all want to be treated with gentleness. None of us wants to be abused, cursed, made fun of, or threatened. The Bible tells us to love others like we love ourselves. Do we think before we speak? Do we ask ourselves, "Are these words gentle?" Perhaps we don't realize that God sees us. He knows our burdens are heavy.

Learning Christ’s Gentleness: The Path to Rest for Our Souls

But He tells us in Matthew 11:29, "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." He is gentle. We are to learn from Him. When Jesus came to this earth He showed us what a life fully obedient to the Father looked like. Will we let Him teach us? We are to take His yoke upon ourselves. Then we will find rest for "our souls." What does He mean to take His yoke upon us?

A yoke was a wooden bar that joined two animals together for work, like cattle plowing a field together. With a yoke they share a burden. They are guided down the same path. That is what Jesus wants for us. Our gentle Savior is with us step by step seeing us, helping us, teaching us, and guiding us. He wants His gentleness to be our gentleness.

Being a gentle person isn't a bad thing, it is a desirable thing. Being gentle doesn't mean that everyone will run all over you. It means you won't stoop to their level in an argument. You won't judge others by their appearance. You won't fail to help others or be kind because you don't like their race or nationality or educational level. We live this way because Jesus did.

And Paul holds up that same pattern for every believer when he tells us in Ephesians 4:32,

"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

Oh, to be tenderhearted. Slow in anger, aware of the needs of fellow believers, kind, and gentle, forgiving, because Christ has forgiven us. A world of hurts could be avoided by following this one verse. As counter-cultural Christians, people who don't fit in, our behavior is often unusual compared to those around us. Are we different or are we just pretending to follow Jesus?

Our culture often admires the opposite of gentleness. In the popular John Wick movies, we see a man who is motivated by revenge. Perhaps his anger was justified. But Scripture reminds us that characters like John Wick are not our role models for Christian living. Jesus alone is our judge, and He calls us to something very different from revenge.

I wonder what would have happened if, instead of seeking revenge, John Wick had shown biblical gentleness? His movies probably wouldn't be very popular, but he would have found rest for his soul. Isn't that the reality of what each of us is seeking? We can learn that lesson from our Savior who loves us.