The Choice of Loneliness: God-Focus or Self-Focus

Once, when I started a new job and found myself alone at lunch every day, I realized that focusing on my self was just making me lonelier. Being alone we have two choices: be God-focused or self-focused. Which we choose will determine how we get through times of loneliness. We can be lonely in a crowd or we can be isolated by circumstances or choice, but God is always with us whether we feel His presence or not. Will we let loneliness drive us to despair, or trust God to meet us there? We have a choice in our loneliness, God-focus or self-focus.

Most of us don't choose to be socially isolated but it often happens that we become this way. The elderly are often socially isolated, sometimes the chronically sick, and sometimes because we are far from family or anyone who really cares about us. Most of us who have lived through Covid lockdowns have experienced isolation to one degree or another. So what happens to us spiritually during these times? Where is God in the midst of our isolation?

Paul’s Prison Praise and Purpose

The Bible has a surprising number of examples of those who, for one reason or another, became socially isolated. Paul is one example. Paul experienced many periods of imprisonment. He was even under house arrest for two years. Two years without leaving his home but that didn't seem to slow him down. Paul knew God would never leave him alone.

Often chained and beaten, Paul used moments in prison to rejoice and praise God in song (Acts 16:25). Even some of his jailers became Christian when they witnessed his faith in the midst of trials. Paul learned from his suffering how to comfort others in their own suffering (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). Is God using your loneliness to teach others and to give them comfort?

John’s Patmos Perspective

Look at the apostle John. John was exiled to the island of Patmos. Away from human companionship God blessed him with his great visions that he wrote about in the book of Revelation (Revelation 1:9). What the world thought was a curse God turned into a blessing, allowing John to see into Heaven. John wasn't in despair, he was in awe!

Jesus’ Solitude and Prayer

Jesus also often experienced isolation. In some cases, He even sought it out knowing he needed to get away from worldly distractions. He spent time in the wilderness before He began His ministry, He was alone in the Garden of Gethsemane as His closest disciples slept and of course, tragically alone on the cross, when He asked God why He had forsaken Him. Even then, Jesus totally trusted God's plan.

Before He chose His disciples Luke 6:12-13 tells us He prayed all night. Mark 1:35 tells us that after a day of healing the sick He got up the next morning and went to a solitary place to pray. Upon hearing that John the Baptist had been killed He went out on a boat to be alone according to Matthew 14:13. After feeding the 5,000, Matthew 14:23 tells us He went up on a mountainside to pray in solitude. Long days of healing the sick were followed by Jesus' withdrawal from others to pray as Luke 5:15-16 explains.

Perhaps what we can learn from the example of Jesus is that all isolation isn't bad. He is our role model. We may feel at times that God has left us alone, but that might be for a reason. We actually sometimes need to be alone, pray, regroup, and seek God. We need to be still and quiet to better hear God speak. How we use our time alone is what matters.

Jeremiah’s Lonely Prophecy

In the Old Testament few were as isolated as Jeremiah. Without family, friends or any close companions he preached the judgment of God on Israel. This message was as hated as Jeremiah was isolated, but it didn't stop him from pursuing what God told him to do, even when he was thrown into a well. Jeremiah never abandoned God (Jeremiah 38:6). What does Jeremiah teach when we speak a message that is unpopular?

Joseph’s Seasons of Waiting

Another example is Joseph who endured thirteen years of slavery and prison before he became a valued member of Pharaoh's government. Joseph never cursed God once during this time. He sought to do what was right before God and was ultimately elevated to a position where he was able to help his family and prevent them from starving. From the age of 17 when he was sold into slavery till the age of 30 when he became the Pharaoh's right hand man was a long time to think about God!

Joseph tells his brothers in Genesis 50:20, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Joseph saw the hand of God at work, even in his suffering. Can we step away from our own suffering to see perhaps a bigger picture that God is working something good in our lives or those around us because of it? These stories show that isolation has always existed, today we may be challenged in new ways.

Modern Christian Isolation Realities

We may find ourselves isolated just because we are Christians. We may face social isolation because we aren't like everyone else. We don't have the same interests or the same values. We don't talk the same way as they do. This is very difficult for young Christians because they, like most of us, want to be liked. We should encourage our young Christian brothers and sisters. They need to be reminded they are not alone.

In certain parts of the world like China, Iran, or North Korea for example, Christians are routinely rounded up, beaten and imprisoned for their faith. They may face isolation and hardship for years. Yet many of them use these opportunities to show Christ to the very people who are subjecting them to torture. To read some of their stories, go here.

The Choice of Loneliness: God-Focus or Self-Focus

What do we do when we are isolated? Do we blame God for our situation? Do we ask the old "Why me" question? God is able to work through us no matter our situation. We can have hope in the midst of being alone.

There can be times when we are surrounded by family and friends and yet in our hearts still feel very lonely. But who are we really focusing on during these times, ourselves or God? During times like these we need to step away from ourselves and develop an attitude of thankfulness for the people around us. When we are too self focused we should turn our attention to the needs of others.

Turning Isolation into Ministry

Can we volunteer? Can we be more active at church? There are things we can do from home to spread God's word. We can write letters of encouragement to missionaries, for example. We can always pray for others. Think of ways to serve.

Growing in Solitude: Practical Steps

We live in a busy and distracted world. God can use these times of isolation to speak to us where we will be able to actually hear Him. He is always our hope, but sometimes when we are surrounded by family, friends, and those who love us we don't see our need for Him in quite the same way. There are things we can do in isolation that we normally might find difficult to find time for, in this way we can turn loneliness into an opportunity.

• Reading God's word prayerfully. We can't grow in Christ without spending time in the word.

  
  

• Praying for others with specific intent. We have the time when we are alone to think deeply about people's needs and pray fervent prayers for them.

  
  

• Seeking God's will. What would God have us do or change in our circumstances? Can we reach out over the phone, through social media, or by writing and be a blessing to someone we might not have had time for before?

  
  

• We can be someone who encourages others, even if it's only online or through a text.

  
  

• We can write down small blessings we've noticed while alone.

As we have seen, some of the greatest faith giants of the Bible were trained during their time of aloneness with God. What a waste of time, quite literally it would be if nothing good came from our isolation. Remember, God often uses our small beginnings to have big impacts in the lives of those around us. We may not always see the results of what we do, but we have to maintain faith that God will use us.

Maybe God uses us to be a lesson for others. Those elderly loved ones we have who are in nursing homes, such a sad example of isolation, teach us how to serve others. They give us an opportunity to show Christian love to people who can't always return that love. For themselves, they learn to accept the help of others, something they often weren't able to do until this situation happened. We learn quickly what is really important in settings like this.

Hope in God’s Ever-Present Care

Loneliness can trigger fear, guilt, or shame. Remind yourself that Jesus cares deeply about your pain and reaches out to comfort you. Being alone isn't easy but if we can focus on some of the good that can come from it, it will make our solitude a burden that is bearable. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us what we should do, "Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you." If we truly have faith that God cares for us and loves us, then we can trust Him in everything, even in our darkest times of loneliness.