Self-Denial in a Self-Focused World

The Call to Self-Denial in a Self-Focused World

Today we don't hear very many people promoting self-denial. Everything is about what makes you happy, not others. What does the Bible say about it? In Matthew 16:24, Jesus says, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me."

Following Him literally means denying yourself. Why do you think that is so important? Jesus Himself is a role model of self-denial. He left Heaven's glory to be born as a human in a backwater town with no real place to call home. He allowed His creation to nail Him to the cross like a criminal, and all this for love. How will God use you?

What Self-Denial Looks Like in Everyday Life

When you and I deny ourselves what does that look like? I think many times it means stepping out of our comfortable day-to-day routines and allowing God to stretch us. We say yes to things we may not really want to do. As a rather introverted person, I can relate to this. God may require us to feel uncomfortable in a situation or give Him all the control. What comfort do you prize that God may be asking you to give up?

A friend recently felt prompted to visit a nursing home she passed every day. Though she knew no one there and had no idea what to say, she felt God calling her and finally stopped in. To her surprise, she connected easily with the residents, sharing Scripture and familiar hymns. Seeing the joy in their faces she realized that by denying her fear, she had become a source of encouragement, and was blessed herself. Had she not obeyed, none of that blessing would have followed.

Do you like to sleep late? Maybe He wants you up early to study His word while the world is still quiet. Do you like to go to bed early? Maybe He wants you to serve dinner to the hungry somewhere far from home. There are a million scenarios where you can find yourself being asked to do something that makes you uneasy. Self-denial in a self-focused world isn't easy. These everyday examples raise a deeper question: why does God place such importance on self-denial at all?

Why We Practice Self-Denial: Submission, Not Self-Improvement

Why do we practice self-denial? If it is to make ourselves feel better about ourselves then it is for the wrong reason. Maybe you have decided to give up candy bars. You know they aren't good for you. You are practicing self-denial, right? Yes, but not for the reason God would have you do it. Through self-denial we learn submission. Worship flows from submission. We learn to submit to God's will, not our own.

Self-Denial and Self-Discipline: A Biblical Pattern

Self-discipline is a characteristic that is highly valued in the Bible. Sometimes it is called self-control. It goes hand in hand with self-denial. An undisciplined person has trouble doing what needs to be done because their first thought is for themselves. What do I get out of something? What do I have to give up to do something? Often, our resistance to self-denial shows up most clearly in how we make major life decisions.

A Personal Example of Undiscerned Decision-Making

Many years ago someone told me I wasn't self-disciplined enough to go to medical school, and begrudgingly I knew they were right. I liked my sleep too much. I liked time off to have fun. Medical school would have interfered with that. In those days it never occurred to me to ask God if it was His will to go. I just looked at it through the lens of what I would have to give up.

How many times do we make decisions in our lives just like that? Decisions not based on seeking God's will but asking all the wrong questions. Decisions that are made based on what I might have to do that would make me feel uncomfortable.

How many missionaries are there who don't practice self-denial, who aren't disciplined? Very few, I believe. Perhaps right now you may feel God calling you to step out into something out of your comfort zone. Scripture reminds us that stepping beyond our comfort zone is not optional for the believer. It is tied directly to the Spirit-formed discipline God requires.

Self-control or self-discipline is one of the fruits of the Spirit that Paul lists in Galatians 5:22-23. In Titus we read about the characteristics necessary for a bishop (or overseer). They are not self-willed but self-controlled. No one can deny themselves who doesn't exhibit self-control.

Lack of self-control can happen in many areas of life: eating, sex, sleep, and our habits, for example. While Scripture sets a high standard for self-discipline, the world around us often pulls in the opposite direction, making self-denial stand against the pull of popular culture.

Cultural Pressure vs. Spirit-Formed Self-Control

Culturally, self-control is unpopular. Society often pressures young people to have sex, use recreational drugs, and speak their minds in a hurtful way, but denying ourselves means resisting those temptations. It means choosing what is right over what is easy.

It means going against what the world calls normal. Some people today look at denying yourself as unhealthy. It certainly can be when done for the wrong reasons or in the wrong way. Scripture also warns us that not every form of self-denial is spiritually healthy or pleasing to God.

To deny ourselves just for the sake of saying we did it does not lead to spiritual growth. True self-denial seeks Godly things and aligns our will with His. When we are sincerely praying the will of God , He will show us where we need to deny ourselves. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:16-18 that fasting should be between you and God, not for show. Paul echoes this in Colossians 2:21-23: mere rules without heart surrender have little value.

What does have value is seeking Godly things. We give up our will and put it in submission to Jesus. Just as Jesus did in the garden, we say, "Not my will but thine be done." Jesus doesn’t just ask this of Himself. He asks it of us, too, in the most personal way imaginable.

What if Jesus were standing in front of you right now with His hand outstretched and asked, "Will you leave this comfort behind and follow Me no matter what?" How would you feel; excited, fearful, or resistant?

“Self-denial isn’t about loss—it’s about stepping into the life God designed for you. Are you willing to follow Him, even when it’s uncomfortable?”

Allegiance Revealed Through Self-Denial

We deny ourselves because Jesus says we must. To follow Christ, we have to. Who do we love most in life, ourselves or God and others? By being willing to deny ourselves we declare our allegiance to Someone greater than ourselves. We don't deny ourselves to save ourselves. We deny ourselves to serve the One who denied Himself.

The Purpose of Self-Denial

There is growth in self-denial. We learn to focus on things bigger than ourselves and our wants. We can accept hardships and learn from them instead of always viewing them as a negative.

Patience and kindness are learned as we control our reactions, choosing restraint instead of frustration when plans are delayed or expectations go unmet. For example, we learn not to let ourselves get angry at insane drivers on the road. Saying "no" to things trains us to be less ruled by our impulses.

Though self-denial can feel uncomfortable, it brings freedom from selfish cravings and the joy of participating in God’s plan. This deeper purpose of self-denial has been described well by theologians who emphasize surrender rather than self-punishment. According to Bo Karen Lee,

"The purpose of self-denial ... is to create more room for God’s presence in one’s life. Letting go of one’s own agenda opens up space for God’s Spirit to work, to lead, and to create the individual anew." (The Paradox of Self-Denial)

Surrender can be painful, but by doing it we allow God to give us new, deeper graces than what we previously experienced. God's plan in suffering is sanctification that brings us closer to God. And by it, God makes us His new creation. But is every desire bad? Must we deny all of our wants?

Submitting Our Desires, Not Erasing Them

All of our desires, obviously, aren't sinful. Self-denial means we learn to search for God's will in our desires. Do you want a better marriage? Denying self doesn't mean you stop wanting that; what it means is you open yourself to what God wants you to learn. Pray God will show you how to fulfill the desire you have.

Do you want children but seem unable to have them? Pray God shows you a way to satisfy your desire that may be different from what you believe possible. Self-denial doesn't mean carrying unbearable sadness around with us, but instead it asks us to look for unexpected answers.

Loving God Beyond the Outcome

How do we respond to trials, suffering, and tribulation? Do we hate them or do we see God working His perfect will even through these things? Self-denial will bring hardship. Jesus Himself has promised it.

But it can also bring joy, as our relationship with our Father is deepened. So do we love God only in the good times or do we see opportunities to love Him in the depths of grief? Self-denial sounds like loss, but it’s actually the doorway to gaining the only life that’s truly worth living.

Self-denial in a self-focused world makes us face a difficult truth. Do we only love Jesus for what He can do for us or do we love Him for what He is perfecting in us? Our longing should be to reflect Him to the world, and self-denial is the way we do that.

Self-Denial in a Self-Focused World